Some days I just can't find anything worth waking up for. It's horribly hard just to admit that, because whenever the thought comes up in my head, I shove it as far away as possible. It's too dark a path to go down, and leads nowhere good. Most of the time I succeed at distracting myself enough to forget this sad fact, and...eliminate the feeling. Of course, most of the time is not all of the time. There's still the matter of those black holes where I continue downwards spiraling, and my life is in free fall.
Free fall is actually the perfect way to describe it. I am no longer standing on solid ground. But, really, did I ever? Haven't I always been this fucked up? It's hard to decipher my emotions as a child and now. They're the same, but surely they are also different? I am not the same person as then, but in a way I am. Everyone evolves from birth to adulthood, but something was put inside me as a child that was not a product of a child's development. What they put inside me, was much more adult than I was, these tearing emotions a child would not understand.
It's probably all very confusing to anyone else, but this realization has brought me closer to a truth I might need to know to move on.
Hi, Mona, I read your comment on my blog. Whenever I read comments on my blog from people I don't recognize, I go and read their blogs. So here I am. I've read all five of your posts, and it astonishes me how succinctly you put into words what I was going through a couple of years ago. My blog is pretty boring now, and I have never been one for baldly stating my feelings on the internet, but anyway, I hope maybe if you get lonely and go blogsurfing, my posts from 1-2 years ago can help you. <3
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