I came very close to doing something...terminal last night. It wasn't because of the party itself, or my friends. Nothing has changed, I've just been reminded of the things I try so hard to suppress. It takes me a few days to recuperate.
Watching my friends' love lives flourish feels like a knife in the side. Of course I'm happy for them, but I feel like such a failure. And yes, I'm jealous. They've bared their souls and found someone who likes what they see. Personally, I haven't shown anyone the real me, because I don't think anyone could ever love me. So instead I disguise myself with stupid incessant joking. But now, not even do they not know me, I don't know me.